I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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