If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
