Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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