I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
