speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
