nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize