vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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