i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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