everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
