I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
