If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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