I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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