She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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