yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
