Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
