Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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