dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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