So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
