he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
