I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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