My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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