I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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