new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
