Three words: puerto rican gang bang
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
