Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
