Tell her she can't have a vagina
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize