Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
