i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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