Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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