my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
