I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize