you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
