I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
