he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
porn star boner night. come get it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
