oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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