It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
