For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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