just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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