This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
