How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
