I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
