he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
