I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
