We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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