I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
