Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
