Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
