I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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