I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize