small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone signed my nipple.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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