I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
