i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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