I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
