talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
