I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
