I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
