why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
