I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
