i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
