Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
