we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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