Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
