he shaved USA in his pubs
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
