She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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