he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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