I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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