everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize