I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
