i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
