yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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