I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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