Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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