respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
