He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize