I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
