I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
