So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
