All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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