Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
