Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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