I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
