I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were trust falling into bushes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
