I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
high people should be assigned attendants
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
