Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You can't motorboat a personality
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
worst night to have a conscience
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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