yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's get the cat blown out
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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