Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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