He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
