i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
