So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
