4 words: hood of his car
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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