Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
