I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sober January is a disaster.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
