Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
