My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
