Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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