when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
