He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
