i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They took my balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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