If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize