My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry about my life...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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