i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
