Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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