i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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