I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize