The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
