Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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