i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
