I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
