but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
