i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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